the difference between sad and angry

it's a sunday. everyone's at home chilling out... having the time of their life etc.

my midterms are coming up and i decided to resume my studies from the previous session. switching tasks between studying, skyping and playing spider solitaire was... awesome.

things were going quite well, especially when i get to spend my time talking to you, although not in reality but virtually. but i'm really really grateful for that. i appreciate every moments i get to spend with you. you were replying quite fast today and i was delighted.

and then.... you disappeared for an hour plus. sometimes i really wonder what you were doing. but i really don't wanna be like an overly attached gf. i don't want to annoy you. however sometimes i get really paranoid. it doesn't seem like something serious, because most of the time, whenever you talk to me, every problem fades away.

i get it sometimes that you're playing game. it's okay. but we talk less, especially now for the fact that you've lost your phone. for a month already. we can't talk on whatsapp, while you have to off your comp at a certain time. our conversations have been cut down a lot. i know we still can talk through phone calls or texts, but it's costly in the long run and it's a little impractical. i'm so not used to this. i know it'll be better when it goes on, but i don't want our love to die like this.... not this soon at least. besides, our timetables are really... bipolar. when i have classes, he doesn't, when i don't have classes, he has. although there are still times we have classes together at the same time.... separately. Even the time for us to hang out, is reduced.

how long more can i endure this?

it's my brother's birthday today. he's 24 already. we are all getting old. everyone is. i suggested to have dinner at Tappers cafe and it was really a wonderful place. i was glad to see that everyone was pleased. there were 2 cakes, one from his friends and another one from his gf. both were equally good and sweeeeeet. it was fattening right? including my main course for dinner... yes... it is. i told you about it. you just gimme this sad face ":(".

when i asked you about it, you said you'd make me exercise. i wasn't really happy with the answer. then you said you'd get fat together with me. really? because from your first answer(reaction), seems like it clearly shows that looks are more like the things you care about. what would happen if i really get fat one day? don't you think i'm actually a little too thin right now? and when i say fat, it doesn't necessarily mean the obese kinda fat. perhaps just plump? or more meaty? sometimes extra fats are good for health. and also provide some shape to thin people. won't you look better when you have a curvier body rather than stick-like ones?

you may not be the best looking guy i've ever met, but i really love you in terms of the inner you.

you called and asked if i was angry. do you understand the difference between sad and angry or not? :( i said no, like duh. because i obviously wasn't angry. it was the other way round. i was disappointed, crushed, upset, down, sad.... you are like those ppl who are insensitive, nevermind. most guys' natural born traits are like this. *sigh*

emo stuffs for today. there are also happy ones. but not today.