indulged

08/02/2013

no matter what i say about you. no matter how much i am mad at you or sad because of you. there is one thing that doesn't change for sure. that is i love you.

sorry for saying all the negative things. i'm not saying that i'm a very good girlfriend myself. sorry for not being understanding enough. i know that you have your own issues to settle as well.... you also have other things to worry about...

i know that... sorry for being selfish. all this is because i care.... care too much that it hurts.

*edited* 15/02/2013 - 3am

despite how upset i am because of you, something will pop by and then it will wipe away my upset-ness about stupid things.

we didn't talk much today (08/02, friday) i was really fed up that talking to you makes me feel tired/annoyed. until that night. when his brother told me that he was involved in an accident.

at first it was a statement in a chat saying "ur boyfriend died"
my initial reaction was like wth?! this is not funny and this is not something you can simply joke of. i was a little furious, having the thought that he was trying to seek attention. only to find out later on that it was his brother who typed that.

his brother just told me that my boy boy won't be home so early. and he's at the chinese doctor's place. that feeling was an instant stab. the moment i knew that, i almost burst into tears. but i was in front of my parents i had to resist. omg. then i get all the flashbacks between us. i blamed myself for being so stubborn.

i immediately broke into tears when i got home and entered my bedroom. what if something bad happened? the only thing that i could do was to wait for his news - ANXIOUSLY. but well, i didn't know the whole thing abt the accident. turned out that he just strained his arm. and luckily the irresponsible drunk driver was willing to compensate the damage.

everything i was upset abt before... suddenly becomes nothing. because i love him so much that it matters more than anything else - like getting upset over little things. i was really scared that i'd lose him. this guy never stop making me worry abt him. it was quite late that night, he called me afterwards because he had to off his comp. i was still halfway sobbing. occasionally blowing my nose. he asked if i cried. well, i said no because i kinda stopped crying, it's just that my nose was still blocked. and... it's really embarrassing to tell somebody that you are crying/cried. LOL

and we spent the rest of the night talking nonsense on the phone for an hour plus. then... the end :)