so, it's been quite long that i haven't updated this blog.
of course there was many things happened as well. no doubt there were some complications and issues too.
but i'd say that "these" happen less frequently. not to say the amount of times decrease but not occurring so much after every "period" of time. and well, i kinda forgotten what happen. remembering a few, but forgetting the details.
i'd been upset these few days but not being able to get a new phone.
yes it's totally something retarded to be upset over with. but it has been testing my patience.
no parking, having pressured to see mom's mood, stock availability, financial problem, contract issues...
yea, the accumulations of things mentioned above plus having them happened continuously for few days.
it sure eat me up... it ruined my entire mood.
sorry that the person who means the most to me gets hurt. i'm sorry dear :( my mood was really f*cked up and yet you still tried so hard to talk to me. so so so sorry. if something ever happened to us one day that ends this relationship, i think you will hate me to bits for treating you like this...
thing is i saw you today, well, i wasn't really spending time with you today. you mainly came here to meet up with your friends and have lunch with them, then if there's time you'd come and find me. i really wanted my phone, so much that i sacrifice my chance to spend time with you - AND ENDED UP NOT GETTING ONE. epic shit fail.
u called me up at night, which was just now, right before i was typing this post. yea i was having a mixture of upset plus anger. minor anger cos i suggested that we could spent time tmr, wednesday 28/08, but he can't make it cos he already came out today (meeting his friends for lunch) and that's also when i decided to take afternoon class, try first at least (first week of semester can try classes first). then until the phone call just now he say he'll come tmr and we can watch a movie.
what is this. i was a little upset cos it's as though i'm an option, he has time then he will come find me, and expect me to be available. not completely his fault though cos i didn't tell him i decided to take afternoon class.
and upset cos, he always gets and misses half of the information i give him. when i told him not to come tmr, he say he'll find me on friday instead because he thought i have no class. the thing is, supposedly i have classes till evening on friday, two subjects. then i told him i have no more FA (afternoon class) on friday. so he mistook the info i guess.cos i still have morning class anyway. so yea.
anyway, my mood was quite bad, that i still insist him to not come on friday. firstly i don't wanna trouble him. secondly, my mood was f*cked up like i said. i was quiet all the way, and saying mean things when i respond (not exactly mean, but it doesn't make ppl feel good cos i "zha" ppl). he gave up in the end and said "you say one ah, so i don't come on friday"....... and i continue remaining silent. haih...
baby, i just want you to know that, as much as i wanna see you and spend time with you. i'd prefer that you are available to me when i really need you rather than keep spending time with you. you get it? what's the point of keep spending time, hanging out with you and on the other hand, when i was sad, down, need someone to comfort me, talk about my problems, and you can't be here for me?
that is what i really want......
to be continued on more things i wanna let out.
i really have to sleep. my class 8am T_T
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